It’s always tempting to get excited about January transfers but here’s a pitcher of ice water for your nether regions: none of these guys matter. Until they do. And even then, they probably don’t. Sure, they’ll one or maybe two 20 point performances, but trust them at your peril.
Joao Mario – his most natural position would be the one currently held by Lanzini, unless Moyes tries him out of position like so many other failed attempts to turn centrally inclined Portuguese footballers into wingers. I say this as a Bernardo owner, so spare me the indignation.
Jurgen Locadia – talented attacking player in his mid-20s, you say? Hmm, sounds like Izquierdo, another nice player whose fantasy ceiling is approximately two feet high because Brighton’s prospects for SkyBet football next year have never been higher.
Cenk Tosun – look, I own him and wasted a waiver pick, but whatever value he has for Everton won’t be realized in the next few months. Talk to me in September when Bolasie and Walcott are fully fit and playing regularly.
Who else? Terence Kongolo, Alex Pritchard, Guido Carrillo? Come on, stop kidding yourselves. Feel free to @ me on Twitter to call me crazy, but you know who I’m kinda excited by? None other than a Stoke fullback, Moritz Bauer. I also own Zouma so I don’t wanna get too cute with the St. Paul Lambert narrative, but Bauer likes to get involved in the attack and has most likely put an unceremonious end to Glen Johnson’s career.
Let’s get started.
- Studs: Nobody predicted this when he failed to catch fire with Bolton Wanderers, then Fiorentina, and even, yikes, Sunderland of all godforsaken clubs. And not many people predicted a repeat of 2016-2017. Yet, here we are, in GW25, and Marcos Alonso is 60 points clear at the top of the defenders pecking order and coming off singlehandedly tearing the hearts from many a Magpie with another assist and another stunning free kick. Now, the question remains: will we count him out next year with Emerson Palmieri entering the picture?
- Duds: Sometimes, I feel compelled to rank players and it sickens me, none worse than tax fraud specialist Glenn Murray. The truth is that he’s far more likely to put up 0.5 or 3 points than 15 because he’s an old and one-dimensional poacher playing for a 2nd tier club. But I have to rank him, which means some of you are likely starting him, which means I feel bad for you, which means he’ll probably shin one in off the post, pick up a dubious penalty, and bag a brace. Oh, fantasy.
|1||Jordan Pickford||Marcos Alonso||Kevin De Bruyne||Sergio Aguero|
|2||Ederson||Cesar Azpilicueta||Eden Hazard||Mohamed Salah|
|3||Lukasz Fabianski||Nicolas Otamendi||Riyad Mahrez||Roberto Firmino|
|4||David De Gea||Kyle Walker||Paul Pogba||Raheem Sterling|
|5||Thibaut Courtois||Hector Bellerin||David Silva||Alexander Lacazette|
|6||Nick Pope||Victor Moses||Mesut Ozil||Alexis Sanchez|
|7||Petr Cech||Antonio Valencia||Sadio Mane||Harry Kane|
|8||Hugo Lloris||Ben Davies||Christian Eriksen||Romelu Lukaku|
|9||Jack Butland||Nacho Monreal||Xherdan Shaqiri||Jamie Vardy|
|10||Karl Darlow||Virgil Van Dijk||Oxlade-Chamberlain||Christian Benteke|
|11||Loris Karius||Shkodran Mustafi||Heung-Min Son||Richarlison|
|12||Adrian||John Stones||Bernardo Silva||Michy Batshuayi|
|13||Kasper Schmeichel||Andrew Robertson||Wilfried Zaha||Cenk Tosun|
|14||Mat Ryan||James Tarkowski||J. Berg Gudmundsson||Mame Diouf|
|15||Julian Speroni||Harry Maguire||Abdoulaye Doucoure||Shane Long|
|16||Alex McCarthy||Laurent Koscielny||Henrikh Mkhitaryan||Joshua King|
|17||Heurelho Gomes||Kieran Trippier||Dusan Tadic||Callum Wilson|
|18||Jonas Lossl||Kurt Zouma||Gylfi Sigurdsson||Chicharito|
|19||Asmir Begovic||Ben Mee||Jesse Lingard||Jordan Ayew|
|20||Ben Foster||Antonio Rudiger||Marc Albrighton||Ashley Barnes|
|21||Moritz Bauer||Pascal Gross||Dwight Gayle|
|22||Joel Matip||N'Golo Kante||Wayne Rooney|
|23||Joseph Gomez||Aaron Mooy||Joselu|
|24||Phil Jones||Choupo-Moting||Peter Crouch|
|25||Ryan Bertrand||Fernandinho||Glenn Murray|
|26||Andreas Christensen||Bakary Sako|
|27||Jan Vertonghen||Jack Wilshere|
|28||Ryan Shawcross||Junior Stanislas|
|29||Pablo Zabaleta||Joao Mario|
|30||Jonjoe Kenny||Emre Can|
|31||Joel Ward||Joe Allen|
|32||Christian Fuchs||Cheikh Kouyate|
|33||Jamaal Lascelles||Steven Defour|
|34||Davinson Sanchez||Luka Milivojevic|
|35||Ben Chilwell||Jordon Ibe|
|36||Christopher Smalling||Ashley Young|
|37||Shane Duffy||Pedro Obiang|
|38||Deandre Yedlin||Granit Xhaka|
|39||Angelo Ogbonna||Andros Townsend|
|40||Kyle Naughton||Wilfried Ndidi|
This season, our weekly fantasy Premier League ranks are a one-man affair, with Benji Wade taking over the mantle. You can find him on Twitter: Follow @benjiwade.