It’s always tempting to get excited about January transfers but here’s a pitcher of ice water for your nether regions: none of these guys matter. Until they do. And even then, they probably don’t. Sure, they’ll one or maybe two 20 point performances, but trust them at your peril.

Joao Mario – his most natural position would be the one currently held by Lanzini, unless Moyes tries him out of position like so many other failed attempts to turn centrally inclined Portuguese footballers into wingers. I say this as a Bernardo owner, so spare me the indignation.

Jurgen Locadia – talented attacking player in his mid-20s, you say? Hmm, sounds like Izquierdo, another nice player whose fantasy ceiling is approximately two feet high because Brighton’s prospects for SkyBet football next year have never been higher.

Cenk Tosun – look, I own him and wasted a waiver pick, but whatever value he has for Everton won’t be realized in the next few months. Talk to me in September when Bolasie and Walcott are fully fit and playing regularly.

Who else? Terence Kongolo, Alex Pritchard, Guido Carrillo? Come on, stop kidding yourselves. Feel free to @ me on Twitter to call me crazy, but you know who I’m kinda excited by? None other than a Stoke fullback, Moritz Bauer. I also own Zouma so I don’t wanna get too cute with the St. Paul Lambert narrative, but Bauer likes to get involved in the attack and has most likely put an unceremonious end to Glen Johnson’s career.

Let’s get started.

  • Studs: Nobody predicted this when he failed to catch fire with Bolton Wanderers, then Fiorentina, and even, yikes, Sunderland of all godforsaken clubs. And not many people predicted a repeat of 2016-2017. Yet, here we are, in GW25, and Marcos Alonso is 60 points clear at the top of the defenders pecking order and coming off singlehandedly tearing the hearts from many a Magpie with another assist and another stunning free kick. Now, the question remains: will we count him out next year with Emerson Palmieri entering the picture?
  • Duds: Sometimes, I feel compelled to rank players and it sickens me, none worse than tax fraud specialist Glenn Murray. The truth is that he’s far more likely to put up 0.5 or 3 points than 15 because he’s an old and one-dimensional poacher playing for a 2nd tier club. But I have to rank him, which means some of you are likely starting him, which means I feel bad for you, which means he’ll probably shin one in off the post, pick up a dubious penalty, and bag a brace. Oh, fantasy.
1Jordan PickfordMarcos AlonsoKevin De BruyneSergio Aguero
2EdersonCesar AzpilicuetaEden HazardMohamed Salah
3Lukasz FabianskiNicolas OtamendiRiyad MahrezRoberto Firmino
4David De GeaKyle WalkerPaul PogbaRaheem Sterling
5Thibaut CourtoisHector BellerinDavid SilvaAlexander Lacazette
6Nick PopeVictor MosesMesut OzilAlexis Sanchez
7Petr CechAntonio ValenciaSadio ManeHarry Kane
8Hugo LlorisBen DaviesChristian EriksenRomelu Lukaku
9Jack ButlandNacho MonrealXherdan ShaqiriJamie Vardy
10Karl DarlowVirgil Van DijkOxlade-ChamberlainChristian Benteke
11Loris KariusShkodran MustafiHeung-Min SonRicharlison
12AdrianJohn StonesBernardo SilvaMichy Batshuayi
13Kasper SchmeichelAndrew RobertsonWilfried ZahaCenk Tosun
14Mat RyanJames TarkowskiJ. Berg GudmundssonMame Diouf
15Julian SperoniHarry MaguireAbdoulaye DoucoureShane Long
16Alex McCarthyLaurent KoscielnyHenrikh MkhitaryanJoshua King
17Heurelho GomesKieran TrippierDusan TadicCallum Wilson
18Jonas LosslKurt ZoumaGylfi SigurdssonChicharito
19Asmir BegovicBen MeeJesse LingardJordan Ayew
20Ben FosterAntonio RudigerMarc AlbrightonAshley Barnes
21Moritz BauerPascal GrossDwight Gayle
22Joel MatipN'Golo KanteWayne Rooney
23Joseph GomezAaron MooyJoselu
24Phil JonesChoupo-MotingPeter Crouch
25Ryan BertrandFernandinhoGlenn Murray
26Andreas ChristensenBakary Sako
27Jan VertonghenJack Wilshere
28Ryan ShawcrossJunior Stanislas
29Pablo ZabaletaJoao Mario
30Jonjoe KennyEmre Can
31Joel WardJoe Allen
32Christian FuchsCheikh Kouyate
33Jamaal LascellesSteven Defour
34Davinson SanchezLuka Milivojevic
35Ben ChilwellJordon Ibe
36Christopher SmallingAshley Young
37Shane DuffyPedro Obiang
38Deandre YedlinGranit Xhaka
39Angelo OgbonnaAndros Townsend
40Kyle NaughtonWilfried Ndidi

This season, our weekly fantasy Premier League ranks are a one-man affair, with Benji Wade taking over the mantle. You can find him on Twitter: .